Memories Are Made of This
Is this a club that I am not allowed to become a member of?
Individuals who “downplay the fear, anger or other negative emotions” found in recalling memories of sad or unpleasant events may improve their overall mental health.
Two studies from Concordia University in Montreal suggest that “healthy individuals work to build a positive narrative identity that will yield an overall optimistic tone to the most important recalled events from their lives.”
When asked to describe their emotions about both positive and negative events that occurred in the past, subjects who “reflected on positive events, like a dating relationship or marriage, recreation, or attaining a personal goal, they reported feeling just as happy as they had felt at the time of the event, as well as similarly intense feelings of love and pride. Again, however, they also reported feeling less anger, embarrassment, guilt and other negative emotions than they had initially felt.”
Oh, I get it - those of us who gloss over or conveniently discredit the pain, embarrassment, anguish or humiliation of past life events best described as “worthy of immediate incineration” are not only happier but have higher self-esteem. As one of the study authors states:
“Mental health is maintained or improved by people’s attempts to make sense of their life experiences.”
Oooh…goody goody gum drops! So on top of everything else I’ve been doing wrong ever since the first issue of Psychology Today hit the stands, now in order to save my soul I must transform any unhappy memories of loss, failure, unintended spittle, off-key warbling, trousers worn a tad too high in the waist, less than stellar parallel parking and generalized love life incompetence into phony remembrances of
Give me a break! I believe that honestly recalling sad times for what they truly were conditions the mind and spirit to better accept the vicissitudes of life and lays a foundation of appreciation of the many blessings that dangle before us like sweet treasures of the Sugar-Plum tree, if we would just open our eyes and acknowledge them.
Well, this is just one oncologist’s opinion, but if I’m wrong and I am forced to train my mind to whitewash all painful memories in order to maintain my cheerful disposition I’m going to have some difficulty turning the events of April 9th, 1976 into a “positive narrative identity.” Even if Newton, Einstein, Hawking and Mr. Spock huddled around the chalkboard they could not compute an equation that would have saved me from unintentionally entertaining my fellow calculus classmates that afternoon with a brief but indelible impression of a black rhinoceros extracting his foot from a Congolese mud wallow.*
There are some memories that defy extinction, both good and bad. One shouldn’t be punished by the psychology nannies if one chooses to live in harmony with the Janus-faced past.
*With apologies to P. G. Wodehouse
Dear CO,
No-one wants you to forget the experiences of the past, but simply cease to dwell without interruption upon them, as so many in our lives are wont to do.
In other words, move on.
Best Wishes
Comment by Yogi — June 1, 2006 @ 6:35 pm
Gloss over your memories. Stick on the rose colored glasses. Remember the positive things you learn in your suffering. Remember the triumphs with your patients. Concentrate on the things that you truly love.
“Finally brethren, whatever is true, what ever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, let your mind dwell on these things.” Philippians 4:8
Comment by emmy — June 2, 2006 @ 2:23 am
Completly agree!! Wish the experts would make up there minds.
Comment by wolfbaby — June 2, 2006 @ 6:45 am
Hey C.O.–going back to your May 5 column–who is “C.R.H.,” the author of the wonderful quote that leads off your entry? I want to share it at Quaker meeting this coming Sunday–we’ve been discussing the risks of love–and want to give him/her credit. Thanks! and thanks for all of your erudite, entertaining columns. You’re on my favorites list.
Comment by Wendy — June 2, 2006 @ 12:27 pm
To Wendy: C.R.H. is my monogram. Feel free to use this quote at your meeting.
Comment by The C. O. — June 2, 2006 @ 5:34 pm
Thanks, C.O. You now join the ranks of other literary figures known to crossword-puzzle constructers by their monograms–GBS, TSE, EEC, RLS and the like!
Comment by Wendy — June 3, 2006 @ 12:33 pm
HI CO,
Thank heavens some things can be recalled though glossed over - like when I caught both hands in a slamming window.
Perhaps the glossing over indicates that your psyche has dealt with the pain. You remember it, but it doesn’t paralyze you with fear any more. Some past painful events can raise my blood pressure when I think about them but others can be treated as the learning experiences they are.
Comment by Shauna — June 4, 2006 @ 11:29 am
Hi CO,
Your thoughts are on target! Check out the research of Dr. James Pennebaker at the U of Texas who conducted research (subsequently replicated at Ohio State, SUNY, Southern Methodist U, North Dakota State, etc) showing that asthmatics and those with rheumatoid arthritis had fewer flare-ups of disease when they journaled (Sorry. I hate that word!) 3 times a week about painful incidents from their past than those who journaled about random topics. Both groups who journaled (arrrgh) had fewer disease flare-ups than a control group who didn’t write at all. These trials have shown benefit to cancer patients as well. So, confront the pain on paper, a cost effective alternative to psychoanalysis! And gain better health.
–The Gypsy Poet
PS: I’ve never blogged before. Why are some of your phrases in red?
PSS: Do you really wear your trousers a tad too high? I never pictured you as Prufrock…
Comment by Gypsy Poet — June 6, 2006 @ 12:34 am
To Gypsy Poet:
Why don’t you just click your little ol’ mouse-arrow on all those red phrases and see what happens?
As far as Prufrock is concerned, I suspect he rolled up his trousers so as to not wet the white creases (wussy that he was). If you want to see a nice example of someone who wore ‘em too high at the belt…as the link suggests, try Sidney Greenstreet…
Comment by Administrator — June 6, 2006 @ 3:37 am
I can’t imagine having to remember all of the details of the bad times in my life, how I felt when loved ones have died, break ups, personal failures etc. at their original intensity levels. Time does heal a lot of wounds if we allow it too. Of course I still think back to these times, but hopefully with perspective gained from the experience. But then we are all different…
Comment by Ferguson — June 6, 2006 @ 5:04 am
Dear CO,
WOW! There are whole new worlds lurking underneath those red letters. It’s almost like opening Christmas presents, not knowing whether you’ll find old socks, a banana, or a beautiful doll.
I agree. Sidney Greenstreet takes trousers to a new high. Alas, poor J. Alfred…
Ode to a Grecian Urn is one of my favorites, but when I was younger, I couldn’t figure out what “spirit ditties” were…
Just found out my tumor markers (CA 27-29) have gone up for the first time in the 7 months I’ve been on a new phase 2 chemo. It brings to mind another Keat’s favorite:
“When I have fears that I might cease to be,
Before my pen has gleamed my teeming brain…”
I’m writing as fast as I can.
Gypsy Poet
Comment by Gypsy Poet — June 9, 2006 @ 12:39 am