Vita Longus
Ten years ago I treated an 84 year-old gentleman for an aggressive lymphoma that was desperately trying to kill him before being blown away itself by chemotherapy. Too bad for the cancer - it lost (har de har har). I saw him recently and after chatting with him discovered that he has lost all recollection of the ordeal he went through. I joked with him about this:
“So you don’t remember taking chemotherapy, eh? Well, it’s not like you’re missing out on fond memories of your Academy Award acceptance speech. Take this as a blessing, that you can’t remember all the suffering you went through.”
He gave me a blank stare. I soon realized that his mind is not just weak - it is as desolate as a burned out Ozark mountain forest, with nothing left to walk through but the unrecognizable ashes of his former life. Because he did not die from cancer, he has lived long enough to develop Alzheimer’s disease.
I guess this is what my 9th grade English teacher was referring to when she asked me to define the term irony. I pray that my patient forgives me for my help in cursing him with a long life.
CABLE COMPANY CAPER UPDATE: “No, we can’t string a temporary line from the pole to your house. If we come out there, we’re going to bore under your patio and put in the permanent line.” “Look, I’m a doctor and need internet access at night to care for my patients. When can you do this?” “Let’s see…it looks like our first available appointment is on the 15th.” “Oh, the fifteenth of this month?” “I’m sorry. I do mean the 15th of May, but it will be in 2014. Hello? Hello? Are you still there?”
