Death and Taxes
Where there is great love there are always miracles.
-Willa Cather
[Editor’s note: the following is a transcript of a true conversation between our narrator, a provider (formerly known as “physician”) and a caregiver (formerly known as “loved one”). All names have been changed to protect the innocent.]
Jolly Oncologist: Hello - is this Mrs. Therese R. Green?
Female Voice: No, this is her niece, Claire Annette. Would you like to speak to her?
J.O.: Yes, Please.
2nd Female Voice: Hello?
J.O.: Mrs. Green? This is Doctor Howard Fine Howard from the hospital. I wanted to give you an update about your brother.
Mrs. Green: Yes?
Dr. H.F.H.: Well, as you know he’s been on artificial life support for several days due to his cancer and pneumonia. Today he seems to have taken a turn for the worse - his blood pressure has fallen to the point where he now is on medicine to artificially keep it above the danger level, and I’m not certain how much longer he can keep fighting this.
Mrs. G.: He’s a fighter all right, and he told me he wants to fight this cancer and beat it.
Dr. HFH the J.O.: The problem is that I can’t treat his cancer with him so critically ill, and without any treatment he has no chance to shrink his tumor. My feeling is that his time left is very short due to his lung damage and now his low blood pressure.
[Editor’s note: the phrase “time left is very short” is a euphemism for more official medical phrases for dying, such as “circling the drain,” “vulture precautions,” “PBBB - pine box by bedside,” etc. It appears that the Jolly Onc is trying to prepare the family for the inevitable. Let’s pick up the conversation.]
J.O.: I recommend that we don’t perform any further “heroic measures” or life support treatments such as CPR or electrical shocks if his heart should stop.
Mrs. G.: What do you mean? Why do you think his heart is going to stop?
J.O.: I think he is at great risk of dying, Mrs. Green, and if that happens, performing CPR will not bring him back to life after his death.
Mrs. G.: That’s what they said about me two years ago! I was in Intensive Care and the doctors had given up on me, but I made it through. I had Hodgkin’s disease but now it’s in remission. We Greens are tough - my brother is not going to give up.
J.O.: I understand, and hope he does improve, but if he should die while in the ICU I recommend that we let him go in peace and not perform CPR or give him electrical shocks. It would only increase his suffering in my opinion.
Mrs. G.: Well, I want you to know that I’m not going to die, and neither is my brother. Miracles do happen, you know.
[Editor’s note: Obviously the patient does not have a living will, or this phone call would be irrelevant. Go ahead and say it - “You’re a genius, Mr. Editor.”]
J.O.: This is where we disagree, ma’am, for I know that I’m going to die someday. I pray for a miracle for your brother, but my feeling is that we mortals can only do so much. I also believe that miracles can happen, but that they don’t always occur prior to death. I thank you for your time and will be happy to speak to you again.
Mrs. G: Thank you. Bye. (hangs up)
J.O. (sotto voce): Mundis vult decipi, ergo decipiatur… (stares at the telephone for several seconds, then walks off to make himself a cup of white tea).
This should probably not be funny but I can’t help myself..It brings back memories of when my mother’s brother was in the hosp. dying from a long term illness and my poor mother had alzheimer’s disease. I was at work and upon my return home, she advised me that the hospital had called that morning. When I further questioned her she explained that they had said “We have lost Dick, we have tried very hard to get him back”…Well my mom (in her alzheimer’s fog) took this to mean “Dick has ran away and we can’t find him”
I immediately went to the hospital and sure enough poor “Uncle Dick” has expired that day. They were telling me about the conversation with mother. Apparently she assured them that “he has a long history of running away and being lost, and, that they should not try to get him back anymore. He will return when he is good and ready”!
God love her heart!
Comment by Cathy — April 21, 2006 @ 10:20 pm
That conversation could have happened with any number of people in my family. That’s why I’m not leaving it up to them. I hope Mrs. G’s brother doesn’t have to suffer too much.
Comment by Emmy — April 22, 2006 @ 12:15 am
makes me more aware of the need for making your own wishes known
gotta do it
Comment by Feisty — April 23, 2006 @ 2:16 am
Oh, for pete’s sake. Shame on both of them - him for not having a living will, her for refusing to face reality.
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