Archives of The Cheerful Oncologist, Volume 2

Yikes! I guess we American oncologists are just as guilty as all the other professions when it comes to taking our free market society for granted. Here’s a depressing headline from a country espousing socialized medicine:

“Spotty access to new cancer drugs violates principles of medicare: report”

Report? What report - from China? No, not China - good heavens, it’s from our dear neighbor to the north!

The Cancer Advocacy Coalition of Canada just released its annual report card grading “access” to 24 new cancer therapies such as trastuzumab (Herceptin) and bevacizumab (Avastin) in each province, and found that “variability of access to an essential segment of cancer care is leading to a different calibre [sic] of treatment across provinces.”

[Ahem, as a public service to our readers the Doublespeak Committee from our website’s Division of Propaganda will provide running translations of all quotations cited in this report. Their first message is coming over the wire now - “We have deciphered the above statement as follows: in some parts of Canada bureaucrats have successfully blocked the introduction of expensive new cancer therapies.”]

With cancer rates rising and costs of the new drugs in the realm of tens of thousands of dollars a treatment course, governments are being forced to take a hard look at their health-care bottom line.

[Translation: Tough luck, Grandma - we’ll never get voted out of office for slamming the door on hopeless cases like yours!]

Medical oncologist Dr. Kong Khoo: “These drugs are all very expensive. And on the long term, I think there are solutions to containing that cost, finding the patients that best benefit from them…”

[Translation no. 1: The fewer people we treat, the more dough we can throw into our new bridge project linking downtown Toronto with downtown Toronto.]

[Translation no. 2: Yes, we know you’ve been waiting four months for a supply of drug, but the Senator’s mother was just diagnosed with the same malignancy!]

Dr. Khoo: “I think we have to incorporate all the existing payers in order to provide these drugs.”

[Translation: Sure, I can give you this exciting new treatment for your previously untreatable cancer - just pony up 25% of the cost. How much? Oh, I’d say it will run you around $1500 a month. Hello? Hello? Are you still there?]

The coalition…criticized several provinces, including Ontario, for not providing waiting times for cancer care. Cancer Care Ontario posts waiting times on its website every month and has done so for the past two years, said Terry Sullivan, president and CEO of Cancer Care Ontario, adding when the coalition asked for that [sic] data his organization referred them to the website.

[Translation: They’re complaining about the government not posting waiting times for cancer care? After reading what the waiting time is for a patient to start chemotherapy for breast cancer I can only say: can you blame them?]

“Could we do a better job? A more streamlined job? Maybe. I think that probably could be done,” Sullivan said.

That’s the difference between my practice and that of a Canadian oncologist, I guess - I’m more streamlined. In fact, I’m so streamlined I don’t tolerate any delays in patient care due to insurance thumb-twiddling, so-sorry-all-full radiology scheduling departments, vacationing surgeons, scanty inventories, inadequately staffed hospitals or steadfast slothfulness, not to mention a government that has decided to ration health care by limiting the personnel and resources available to help the sick. I won’t stand for such nonsense because my boss would have my hide if he ever found out I was loafing instead of putting every ounce of my waking energy into the care of these wonderful people. My boss, he’s a real faccia di stronzo, as they say in Rome, but he’s not a bad person. He’s just one of those bosses who can’t be content until all is well, which in my profession requires asking for an uninterrupted string of miracles.

I shouldn’t be so hard on him. He’s actually quite clever - even has his own website. Here, I’ll show you where it is - just click on this link. Until next time - Ciao!